I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
time to smoke my breakfast
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
