I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
