So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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