My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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