I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
