fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
