We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
