I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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