Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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