Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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