sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
