Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
