i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
