You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
