please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
