I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I didn't shave. On purpose
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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