I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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