do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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