its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
