I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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