all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
