Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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