I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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