Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
