You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
