life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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