he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
