I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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