I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
