Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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