I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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