and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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