Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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