'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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