There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize