good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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