I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
