fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
did i just pee glitter
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
