Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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