true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
They are going to name an STD after you.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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