Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
