I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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