so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
