apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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