i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
