Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
