i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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