I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Swine flu is the new snow day.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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