You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
