So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
