real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
