I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
