Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
