Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If that was your dad, he is hot
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
