oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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