Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
