Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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