I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
