i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
