well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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