i barfeds in our rink
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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