My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Can you bring me the toilet please
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
