Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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