saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
