apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
