Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
