i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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