i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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