How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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