Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
