rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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