my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
