You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
