just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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