Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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